'She Was The Ringleader': Ex-Thomas Valva Babysitter On Pollina

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Emily Gandolfo, who baby-sat Thomas and his older brother Anthony in 2017, when the boys first came to live with their father and Pollina — teachers testified that, during that time period, the boys were still happy and healthy, of normal weight, and toilet trained — described her experience with Patch.

Gandolfo said she had just graduated from college and, at 23, was looking for a day job while she was working on building her career as a circus performer. She found an app that helps parents find reliable and safe nannies and babysitters.

“I was hired in July, 2017, shortly after Angela and Michael moved into their Center Moriches home,” she said. “I remember then telling me at my interview that they were new to the area and needed someone specifically to watch over the boys. They were very specific to say the girls were well-behaved and did not need someone specifically for them.”

And, Gandolfo added: “I also have a lot of experience working with special needs and autistic children, which they were happy to hear. They told me that two of the three boys were on the spectrum.”

The boys, Gandolfo said, “were treated very differently from the girls and Angela and Michael made a point to make that known to me. . . Angela and Michael told me I was to treat the boys ‘differently’ as well — at the time, I was unsure of what they meant by that. In my head, it meant they were special needs and needed to be treated with kindness, patience, and compassion.”

Soon, Gandolfo, said, the true meaning of the words dawned. “Within a month of working in the ‘hell house’ I came to realize that we had two very different meanings of ‘treat them differently’. When my shift was up and Michael or Angela relieved me from my duties I could feel the tension grow in the boys. Angela and Michael would be mean, very stern, and show zero patience for them. They acted constantly exhausted and frustrated by the boys, and would point out to me right in front of them what they were doing wrong and how they were not listening. They acted like caring for them was the biggest burden of their lives.”

She added: “I would try to speak up and explain that the boys needed a moment, or to give them a chance to try — and they would dismiss me. They did make it known to me that the youngest boy was the ‘best’ one out of the three, and I guess that was because he was not on the spectrum.”

While Thomas was initially hesitant with her and also independent, Gandolfo said she took her time, respecting his space and boundaries. “In doing this with every situation with Thomas, within three weeks, he felt comfortable with me. The memory that stands out the most was the day that he allowed me to help him put his jacket on and after, he turned to me to give me a hug and say ‘thank you’ before running to play with his brother. This meant a lot to me — the progress we had made from when I first started working with him.”

Thomas, she said, “was a very independent and smart boy and I always wanted him to feel he was capable. “

When asked what she liked to do while baby-sitting the boys, Gandolfo’s response was immediate. “My favorite thing to do with them was to get them out of that house,” she said.

Gandolfo said she saw the most “genuine and fun-loving sides “of the three boys when they left the house.

Gandolfo, a circus performer, brought out her hula hoops and other props to share with the boys. “We would have fun pretending the hoops were cars or spaceships,” she said. “We would set up tracks to jump through and compete in relay races.”

She also took the boys for walks around the neighborhood on their bikes and scooters.

“My favorite outing was the picnic we took to Kahlers Pond in East Moriches,” she said. “We went for a hike on the trails across the street and I pointed out animals and we collected rocks. Then we went to the playground and played on the swings. It was a great day, and we listened to Disney music in the car on the way home. When I asked the boys if they had fun that day, they screamed back with an enthusiastic, ‘Yes!'” she said.

The house at 11 Bittersweet Lane, she remembered, had cameras everywhere.

“I constantly felt uncomfortable and I could tell the boys did, as well,” she said. “The cameras were awful. In all my years of nannying and taking care of children I have never been in a situation with that many cameras. A baby monitor or two, yes, but to be under constant surveillance was traumatizing.”

When she first interviewed for the job, Valva and Pollina mentioned the cameras but didn’t make a big deal of the issue, Gandolfo said.

“It wasn’t until a few weeks in did I realize how they were using the cameras. Whenever I was in the house with the boys they were watching and listening. At first I did not realize. They would come home to dismiss me from my shift and mention how I shouldn’t say this or do that. It was very vague at first and I took it as notes that they’d forgot to mention in the interview. It wasn’t until about a month in that I realized that they were watching and listening to me and making notes based on what they saw— and were not telling me they were watching.”

Still, Gandolfo said, she wasn’t fully aware of what was transpiring. “I took it with a grain of salt, and figured it must be in the boys’ best interest.”

However, she said she didn’t agree with all the “notes. One of the main notes I do remember from that stage was if they didn’t want to eat something that I was serving, the boys had no choice — it was that or nothing. If they left the table or refused to eat it they would get nothing until they ate what was being served. Most kids with special needs have different ‘icks,’ with foods so I generally didn’t listen to Angela and Michael and instead, would negotiate with the boys. ‘If you eat this, then you can have this cookie,’ and so on. I found success with this method but I knew Angela and Michael did not approve. “

After about a month, Gandolfo said Pollina and Valva started to “show their true colors. Michael was nice, but never warm, and I could tell he was not the ring leader or calling the shots. Given that the boys were biologically his I would go to him first with requests for direction, or questions. He would always point me to Angela. Angela was a b—-. Frankly, there is no other way to put it,” she said.

She added: “Her lack of patience or understanding for the boys was despicable and she was always quick to tell me to ‘do better’ and ‘be more stern’.”

Gandolfo recalled once when Thomas and Anthony “were not having a great day”. She suggested they take a little time out to relax, hoping it would calm them, she said. She sent them to their room — the boys, at that time, were all sharing the upstairs boys’ bedroom; they had not yet been “exiled” to the garage, as testimony in court later indicated.

“By having them relax in their bedroom, it calmed them down and worked as a transition to the next activity,” Gandolfo said. “One thing with children, especially special needs, is they can’t just up and move on quickly. They have a hard time understanding why we have to stop one fun activity and move to something else.”

Gandolfo said she began with the youngest boy, getting him ready for when their father came home, and told Thomas and Anthony they had about five more minutes with the TV.

When at first there was a little resistance to getting ready, Gandolfo said she explained to Thomas that it was time to go.

“It was taking a few minutes to coax him but I could tell it wouldn’t be long until he would get onboard with the change in plans,” Gandolfo said. “It was then that Angela came over the camera and scared the crap out of me,” she said. “She yelled, ‘Stop it! Stop being so nice! Thomas, you’d better listen to Miss Emilyright now! Emily, you tell him if he doesn’t listen to you, he will be in big trouble with Mom and Dad later!'”

Gandolfo said she watched Thomas “shrink close to me.” In addition, she said, she was “shocked to find out that she could speak over the camera and had been watching me the entire time. I nervously replied back to the camera that I understood, and kindly asked Thomas to comply. I noted that Thomas very quickly did what I had been asking, crying the entire time. When we got out into the hallway, where I knew there wasn’t a direct camera on us, I gave him a hug and apologized to him. I told him it was going to be okay and he was not in trouble and thanked him for doing as I asked.”

Later, Gandolfo said she told Valva she was upset about the cameras and that she thought it was inappropriate it was for Angela to undermine her when she was working with the boys.

“Michael apologized and said he understood and was happy to see the boys behaving so well for me,” she said. “The following day, I was taken off babysitting duty with the boys.”

Pollina asked that Gandolfo ride along with Angela to “learn more” about how to treat the boys, and their past, and their biological mother, she said. Pollina, she said, not only “spoke badly about the boys but of people she considered friends, and of her fiance Michael. . . By the return home, I had decided that I could not trust her.”

Gandolfo said during the short time she worked for Valva and Pollina, “they made it very clear to me that under no circumstance were the boys to have any contact with their biological mother,” saying negative things about her.

“It was also very clear to me from the start that Angela called all the shots and Michael had no idea what he was doing when it came to raising those boys,” she said.

Reflecting on the trials and the verdicts, Gandolfo remembered how she felt when the news first broke that Thomas had died.

“I remember being so upset. All I could think about is how I could have done better — could I have done more?” she said.

Also Gandolfo said:,”It did not surprise me in the slightest that the treatment of those boys had gone so far south.”

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When she finally quit it was because Pollina told her she “was not being ‘hard enough’ on them, Gandolfo said. “I disagreed strongly with any forceful action or language they wanted me to use. Michael and Angela had already begun calling them abusive names, and I felt so uncomfortable. . . I felt awful leaving the boys on their own and knowing they trusted me.”

Gandolfo thanked the juries for the guilty verdicts. “However, the fact that Angela even thought to get up there on the stand and say what she said is beyond me,” she said. “She is a straight liar, and was the ringleader in that home.”

For those who might ask why Gandolfo didn’t report Pollina and Valva at the time, she reminded that when she worked there, the boys were still healthy, sleeping in a bedroom, and using the bathroom.

“At the time it hadn’t gotten this bad. I was uncomfortable with the cameras and a lot of the behavior but I honestly thought it was just me. Perhaps I wasn’t a good fit for the family; maybe I was being difficult? I also knew he was a police officer and thought, ‘Who would believe me?'” she said. “Police officers are meant to serve and protect so why wouldn’t he protect his own children? I thought there had to be someone looking out for those boys— and clearly I thought wrong.”

When asked if she had any regrets regarding her time with Thomas, Gandolfo said the time she had with them was spent nurturing the boys. “I know I provided the best care and protection I could. I know he felt safe with me and for that I am proud. I do regret leaving them. I wish I would have stuck around longer, taken video and fought harder to protect them. I believe with a third person around to help care for the boys it was more manageable for Angela and Michael.”

Had she stayed, Gandolfo wonders what may have been different. The questions haunt.

“Looking back, I think maybe I could have helped protect them,” she said. “I regret not being able to protect him.”

The experience has left Gandolfo forever changed. First, she trusts no one with that many cameras in a home, she said, and is easily triggered by any location with multiple cameras.

And, most important, she said: “I now try to protect children as if it was my life’s purpose. I constantly will question a parent’s behavior if I don’t think it is fair or safe for a child. I also have made myself familiar with what to do if I witness something like this again.”

Of Thomas, Gandolfo said: “Knowing him was truly a gift. He had the biggest smile, and great determination, and need for independence. It was beautiful to be a positive impact on his life for what little time I was a part of it. He will always hold a piece of my heart and serve as a reminder of how I am capable to care for children with fairness and love.”

Gandolfo, who does a lot of face painting for children’s parties, said when there is a special needs child in her chair, she thinks of Thomas. “I am reminded to be extra patient because that child deserves the space to make their own decisions and feel safe.”

If she could speak to Thomas one more time, Gandolfo said she would tell thim that she was sorry she left, without saying goodbye.

“My last day with them we had a lot of fun playing outside and going about our day,” she said. “But they never knew it was my last day with them.”

Also, if she had to do it over again, Gandolfo said she would definitely voice any concerns, whatever they may have been, even if authorities didn’t believe her.

She added: “I would tell Thomas, ‘I wish I could have kept you safe— and I am sorry I could not.'”

Gandolfo also had a message for the boys’ biological mother Justyna Zubko-Valva: “I am so sorry for ever believing the lies that Michael and Angela told me about you.I fully regret the day you were parked in front of the house, trying to see them, that I didn’t go out and speak to you. You would have told me about truth of the people who I was employed by — and we could have worked together.”

She added: “I am so sorry that this happened to your little boy, and I wish I could go back in time and do more to help you. I remember asking the boys about you. They told me they loved you very much and missed you constantly. They would always ask me when they would get to see you again and tell me all about the times they got to spend with you. It breaks my heart.”

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